where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
