I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
