why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
