bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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