Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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