Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
