A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
