Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
