i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
