Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
