I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
