he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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