Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
