You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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