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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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