Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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