I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
