This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
