lets start a swedish sibling band together
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
