dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
