I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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