Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
