I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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