Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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