i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
