True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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