Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He has the fingertips of a God
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