apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
a search helicopter?!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
