I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
