Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
