my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
