Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
