I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
