do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
