he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sobbing to NWA
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
