My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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