ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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