Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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