I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
