i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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