I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
