You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
