I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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