At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
