Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
