Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't deserve a penis
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
