So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
