The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
