I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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