We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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