do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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