no, he came in my armpit
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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